1. Realized NNU gives students bunkbeds, not to save space, but to ensure the person on the top bunk doesn’t have any kind of sex life what so ever.
2. Invented a game called “how close can you slide on the tile floor Risky Business style without hitting the door.”
3. Substituted Orbitz gum for brushing my teeth.
4. Wondered how HBO’s ratings would have faired if Sex and the City had been about male sex lives.
5. Came across a drunk naked wino with a strategically placed cardboard sign that said “invisible.”
6. Let the cops help the bum understand that no matter how drunk you are, hiding behind a sign that says, “invisible” doesn’t make you invisible.
7. Realized that describing events in WWII can be easily skewed into sexual innuendo. “Wanna do a little island hopping?” or “I’ll invade your Normandy beaches.”
8. Wrote a letter to Ragu spaghetti sauce proposing a “golden ticket” marketing scheme where some lucky winner would win a spot in an organized crime syndicate.
9. Wrote another letter to Ragu demanding they compensate for the stains their sauce put on my favorite shirt.
10. Met a guy in a red and white striped shirt, handed him a map, and said, “Find yourself mother fucker.”

1. Was disappointed to realized the population of dump trucks in the sandbox as a kid was in no way proportional to the population of dump trucks in the world at large.
2. Followed the stuck up blonde in my French class around the Dex and kept whispering, “You don’t want to eat that.”
3. Found out that the new Wal-mart sample attendants are so old and senile they can’t remember if you’ve already taken a sample. Free meals (albeit in small bites) for life!
4. Had a dream I ended the world in 1998 by getting Carson Daily excited about something on TRL.
5. Let an Elementary Ed major practice reading to me as if I was a 2nd grader.
6. Wrote a review of the Elementary Ed major in which I suggested she pick a book that wasn’t so uplifting and wouldn’t give the kids such unrealistic expectations about life.
7. Realized the squishy Walmart Greeter standing mats make great seat cushions.
8. Thus, invented a game called “distract the greeter while a buddy steals their squishy mat.”
9. Wondered how high school would have been different if Goth kids would have picked a happier color to wear.
10.Set a new record of only remarking 3 times this week on how pretty my car is.

1. Wished that just once, someone in the background of a local news anchor “live at the scene” would stop and check out the anchor woman’s ass.
2. Began basing my opinions of 40 year olds by whether or not they could regularly use the word “dude.”
3. Talked to a man at Les Schwab Tire Co. that called me “buddy” 5 times in 30 seconds.
4. Realized on the drive home I had been repeating that SNL skit in my head for 30 minutes.
5. Noticed mormon asians creep me out… They all look alike and dress the same.
6. High school reunions for people who were home schooled must be really boring.
7. Had a dream that I was involved in a secret military program to make use of turtles on the battlefield, but was constantly losing funding to the bunny division because they were progressing quicker.
8. Hypothesized that many hostage situations could resolved with hugs.
9. Realized that if ever put into practice those few hostage situations that couldn’t be resolved with hugs would quickly rack up a body count.
10. After 6 Walmart runs, I have yet to be greeted by the new batch of greeters. WTF

1.  Wondered if staring at creepers until the creepers felt uncomfortable would help my love life.

2. Handed a pamphlet entitled, “Idaho Nursing Homes: The fun place to live” to a Wal-mart greeter.

3. Made jokes at Daryl’s expense until she got pissed. It was fun.

4. Told a few more jokes at Daryl’s expense. It was still fun.

5. Realized that there are few things in life quite as satisfying as the sound that comes from open-palm slapping the bare chest of a peacefully sleeping roommate.

6. Plugged my upcoming trip to Seattle in Highlights of My Week: Anybody want to go to Seattle for a weekend so I’m not bearing the burden of the cost of gas alone?

7. Just had the brilliant idea of selling advertisements in Highlights of My Week (Need advertising? Email: Iamninjailikeblack@gmail.com)

8. Once again, abused the Comment Box at Subway, “Can’t you guys offer burritos or something?”

9. Had  a nearly overwhelming urge to pluck/shave/do-something-about the forests that are called “eyebrows” on the face of the Shucks auto-supply clerk.

10. I farted.

1. Pretended to work at Hot Topic and handed “tissues for the tears” to every emo kid that came into the store.
2. Realized I’m probably the only person wondering when the next “Weekend at Burnie’s” movie will come out.
3. Sent in an audition tape to MTV’s made: I want to be made into a Mexican narco-terrorist.
4. Made a special note on the tape that I don’t want to learn Spanish.
5. Thought it was ironic that Abercrombie models, despite working for a clothing store, seem to have a serious lack of clothes to wear for the catalog.
6. Realized that Apple computers are racist against all the colored computers.
7. Wished more hostage situations could be resolved with Wendy’s chicken nuggets.
8. Decided that if I ever get the chance, I’m going to punch Dr. Phil in the face.
9. Walked up to strangers at the mall, made one line statements that were in no way clever or funny, and then added the line, “See what I did there?”
10.Mall security did see what I did there but still escorted me to my car.

1. Did an experiment involving different SPF level sun blocks, my arm, and 6 hours in the sun.
2. Wondered if Alex Corn is still wearing girl pants.
3. Farted on the bus and pointed at the sleeping old guy next to me when a fellow rider gave me her “What is wrong with you?”-look.
4. Pondered why Ketchup and Mustard never make for an orange concoction when I put them on my hotdog.
5. Realized that no matter what I say, a British person will always sound smarter if they say it.
6. Realized that no matter what I say, an Indian person will always sound funnier if they say it.
7. Wondered how much more epic Jim from the office would have been if, rather than putting a stapler in jello, he had made a stapler out of jello.
8. Read highlight 4 twice, I don’t feel like writing an 8th highlight.
9. Left my phone number on a napkin for the hot waitress at Red Robin.
10.Got a call later that night from a bus boy.

1. Realized that the most kick-ass mustache belonges to Charles Bronson
2. Came to the conclusion that if the world went to hell, the least effected state in the union would be Wisconsin.
3. Got up the nerve to finally go over to the hot hippie chick and gently pull one of her dreadlocks.
4. Got a kick out of putting little red dots on my face with a sharpie and telling little kids at the mall to stay away because I have chickenpox.
5. Sat at a park bench and made snap judgment of those passing by whether they were going to hell or not… out loud. (the limping little old lady with a walker is sooooo burning in hell)
6. Created an underground “extreme marbles” league.
7. Decided that certain people in this world need a midget sidekick.
8. Fat people that waddle piss me off.
9. Wrote a letter to my seventh grade football coach that said “there is no ‘I’ in team” at every practice saying, “There one in ‘Win.’”
10.Had a good time writing random shit on Joelle Friesen’s Facebook wall… hehe… “Monkey butters”

1. Declared April 13th “National Replace-R’s-with-W’s-to-sound-like-a-3-year-old Day”
2. Felt that of all the creatures, chickens make the least scary zombies.
3. Had a nightmare where MacGyver’s mullet detached from Richard Dean Anderson’s head and attacked the Easter bunny.
4. Realized the Power Rangers had subtle racist undertones.
5. Failed a sobriety test sober.
6. Felt left out because of the double standard with Facebook relationship statuses. Why is it “cute” for girls to be “its complicated” with each other but its gay when guys do it?
7. Took a 4am homework break from a research paper to watch this video.
8. Found myself writing about proper squirrel hunting techniques and cited the video above.
9. Wondered if the Prince of Bel-Air ever got “fresh” with the 20-something intern.
10.Realized that the coolest thing I have ever thought of is a live-action Rick-roll.
Bonus Highlight:
Had a nightmare about a pissed off squirrel after watching this video

1. Satisfied my addiction of viewing “mutual friends” on facebook.
2. Found out that everyone sees through he lies… I don’t buy Good Housekeeping magazine for the articles.
3. Wondered how the world would be different if 7/11’s “Slurpee” meant something different.
4. Held a tinkle while at a new coffee shop for an hour because I didn’t feel comfortable asking the hot barista where the restroom was.
5. Realized that if Brian Flanders was a Simpson character, he’d look more like Ralf Wiggum than his namesake.
6. Made the mistake of watching an episode of Band of Brothers on DVD before falling asleep to Lost Season 2 on DVD. I had a nightmare were Hurley was chasing me with a Panzer.
7. Started a petition to add a jungle gym when NNU rebuilds the Johnson Sports Center.
8. Wanted, just once, for a professor to describe a paper as, “kick ass.”
9. Wrote a letter to Santa asking if Rudolf’s red nose was a clown costume gone wrong.
10.Wondered what eating a saltine cracker before whistling at an attractive woman would do for my love life.

1. Wondered how much pot was smoked by the person who came up with the paperweight.
2. Watched with childish glee as a spider tried to crawl into an electrical socket…. Bzzz
3. The number 3 sucks.
4. Wondered if I’m the only one that likes to pretend while walking over a bridge that I’m a daredevil jumping a motorcycle over the ravine.
5. Decided I’m going to name my kid Johnny to accomplish a new level of realism when I tell “Little Johnny” jokes.
6. Came to the conclusion that a monkey knife fight where the monkeys are dressed up in formal attire and top-hats would be the coolest thing ever.
7.Saw a picture of a guy with 4 popped collars and stood corrected.
8. Created a new game called, “How long can I stare at the cute girl in the coffee shop before she gets creeped out and leaves.”
9. Kept getting mean looks from a hot freshman as I ate lunch in the Dex.
10.Realize there was somebody behind me when I let one rip on my way to lunch.